Saturday, 18 March 2017

So far this year ....

I have sacked;
Utility Warehouse.
Half of British Gas Insurance.
And one client.
I will soon see Rome Burns

Wednesday, 8 March 2017

Funeral Wishes 2. Over This Land.

Because the likelihood of been able to have a Viking longboat funeral at Whitby is less then nil, I have a plan `B`
Ribblehead Viaduct
One of my favourite parts of the Yorkshire Dales is Ribblehead and the famous Settle to Carlisle railway viaduct there, so I would now like my ashes scattering from off it, whilst The Mission`s record Wasteland is been played.

This has already been mentioned to a DJ friend of mine who said he was up for playing the music, all I need now is someone to do the scattering, oh and stop the train! I think it is a £200 fine if you pull the cord to make an unauthorised stop, so I thought that I might as well ask if I could get permission no doubt at a cost.
Ribblehead Viaduct and Me.
I emailed Northern Rail, the train company that runs that line. Thus;

Dear Northern Rail

Please could you tell me what it would cost to legally stop a train for about 5 minutes on the Ribblehead Viaduct to facilitate the scattering of my ashes?

P.S. I am not planning on dyeing anytime soon.

Thank you.


Hi Alastair, unfortunately this is not a service we can offer. We also cannot authorise the scattering of ashes on the train tracks as we do not own them, this is the remit of @networkrail May I ask, does it need to be the Ribblehead Viaduct, or is it a train line in general? The reason I ask is I know the heritage railways, which are private train tracks sometime offer this service on their lines, so it may be worth contacting them? I hope this helps

Ribblehead Viaduct
So it will have to be done illegally then!
Many older Punks will remember when The Sex Pistols were arrested for playing God Save The Queen on a boat on the River Thames in 1977 on the Queen`s Silver Jubilee. That can never be repeated, but getting arrested for stopping a train to spread a mates ashes must come close? Any volunteers

Been stalked

Been stalked, may be the highest form of flattery, like been guillotined is the sexiest way of dearth, but it still has its drawbacks.

Tuesday, 21 February 2017

Blogger Stats

Has anyone else noticed that their stats have gone mad scene the beginning of December?

Like ten times the number of views to what they were normally before?

Wednesday, 8 February 2017

And What Did You Say Goth Was?

Once a television motoring presenter, who was pretending to be on a camp site asked a couple of pensioners, who most likely didn`t know who he was, “What do people do on a caravanning holiday?” unfortunately their best, or only recorded answer was “We drink a lot of tea”
My last ‘van
A few weeks later, the Car Valet at one of my client`s asked me the same question, But, and maybe because I`m a) younger, b) quicker, and c) more used to people asking silly questions, I quickly replied “I don`t consider there been such a thing as a `caravanning` holiday, I have holidays in my caravan, and you can do anything that you would do on holiday if you stayed in a hotel, apartment or whatever, but you know that the toilet is clean and you won`t get bedbugs!” I also went on to add “I`ve used it to visit my grandchildren, and I`ve gone to Whitby Goth Weekend in my Caravan”

“And What Did You Say Goth Was?”…………………

 Oh Shi !!

Pic from Google

Wednesday, 1 February 2017

Visit to Grassington

As part of our weekend away we had a trip to the Dale`s village of Grassington.
Grassington Congregational Church
It had been quite a while since the last time we were there, and nothing much seems to have changed.
Grassington Congregational Church
We did find Grassington Congregational Church and it`s nice little cemetery hidden away at the top of the village.
In Grassington
According to Wikipedia the village dates back to the 11th century and as a population of about 1,100.
In Grassington, sorry about the bins.
Grassington as many interesting buildings and little alley ways, but with it been a wet day I didn`t take to many photos
In Grassington

In Grassington

In Grassington, sorry about the car.

Thursday, 26 January 2017

Music for an AGM?

I`ve being asked to do the music for our Annual General Meeting.
That means for an hour or so after the serious stuff is over.
But what if I had to play introductions to the Committee members like in Darts and Boxing before they gave their reports
Well here we are:>


 Leader of the Gang  ~ Gary Glitter

Messages ~ Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark


Money for Nothing ~ Dire Straits


The Public Image ~  Public Image Limited

Rep to Region

Legion  ~  Theatre of Hate

Web Master

Digital ~  Joy Division


Anywhere ~  Rhombus


The back of my hand (I`ve got your number) ~ The Jags

Charities Officer

Give a Little Love ~ Bay City Rollers

Social Officer

She`s In Parties ~ Bauhaus

So far this year ....

I have sacked; B.T. Utility Warehouse. Half of British Gas Insurance. Aviva. And one client. I will s...